Remember, Kids: Have Fun Out There!

I have had a rough few gigs in a row.  Since the Yuk Yuk's showcase, I just haven't felt myself up on stage.  Which is a shame, because that's how I was making most of my tips.  *Rim shot*

The problem is this: I have allowed my focus to shift from my main objective, which is to become a good comic.  I'm the kind of person who puts a lot of pressure on myself to do a good job in whatever it is I am doing.  This could be a fantastic quality if I were also the kind of person who is able to stop and define what a "good job" means to them in a given context.  To reverse the proverbial forest for the trees phrase; I tend not to see the trees for the forest.  I have to start focussing on the details and developing my stage presence.  Instead, I have been doing my best to hone my impression of a comic, if that makes any sense.  I am lousy at trying to be other people.

I want to be really good at this.  Being a stand up comic has always been my goal.  Through university I used to wish I could stop thinking about it and be happy at the prospect of leading a professional life as a lawyer.  I could never warm up to that idea or to shake the incessant daydreams to become a comic.  At the beginning, I set small goals and celebrated my achievements.  During my first few gigs, I was just working on going through the motions in an attempt to become comfortable on stage.  Then I got comfortable enough to think about my stage presence.  Around this time, I performed at Yuk Yuk's and any reason and logic I possess was hijacked by my imagination.  I viewed the showcase as my huge break.  Hold on Chrissie, it's certainly been a long couple of months but we're nearly there!  I stopped setting small goals and clumsily stumbled toward my goal to become a professional comic.  Not only was I setting myself up for disappointment, but I wasn't celebrating the small achievements anymore.  In short, I managed to suck all the fun out of this little adventure of mine.  And who suffers here?  My fans of course!

To me, a good comic is someone who is able to be themselves on stage and get personal and honest about themselves and their worlds.  That's where the humour is.  We are all human and while our individual experiences are of course very different, we're all so much the same.  A lot of my material focusses on my disability because that is part of the lens through which I view the world.  But my emotions are not unique and my material is relatable because of this sameness we all share.  I love it when I see a comedian like Greg Giraldo or Chris Rock who manage(d) to get up on stage and be honest and real.  What's funnier than that?  I want to slow down and focus on developing my act from the ground up.

Coming up with and writing material is easy for me.  I come from an endearingly crazy family and I am handicapped.  My comedy cup runneth over!  I do, however, seem to have had great difficulty achieving any kind of consistency in how I deliver this material.  This impediment is the result of the approach I have been taking to comedy as a profession.  I was reminded recently that I am an amateur, just starting out and I should take the opportunity to experiment now when the stakes aren't so high.  Sound advice.  So this is how I want to approach every gig from now on.  I need to experiment right now with my material and delivery.  Some of you readers might be saying to yourselves: "Well, duh - that's just common sense."  But you know what?  Nobody asked you (My Mom has a problem with this line, so I would like to add that this was a joke for anyone out there who found themselves similarly offended.  I take great pride in my nastiness and would never offend anyone unintentionally).

Ready or ... Not

In April I performed at Yuk Yuk's downtown Toronto location.  I had a decent set and spoke to a woman after the show who works for Yuk Yuk's, which led to an opportunity to perform in a showcase for Yuk Yuk's and Funny Business Inc. founder Mark Breslin.  Mark Breslin is arguably the most important man in Canadian comedy and I was thrilled to have this opportunity so early in my "career".  Not only was I excited at the prospect of actually beginning to earn a living off of comedy, it would mean having access to Yuk Yuk's clubs across Canada.  I could learn so much and develop my act on the road!  What a dream!

It turns out that's not really how the business operates.

The showcase went better than I had expected.  While my nerves got the best of me and I certainly wouldn't call it my best performance, I got laughs and I was happy with how I did.  I didn't anticipate getting to meet with Mark, but he took time to meet with any interested comics who had performed in the showcase.  I don't know what I expected him to be like, but I was very surprised at how sweet and gentle Mark was.  He took time to let me babble incoherently about my goals and comedy and answered my questions about the industry.

He asked how long I have been stand up and I said three months.  In my mind, the short amount of time I have been doing this was a positive.  Oh yeah, I'm that conceited.  I was invited to participate in the Yuk Yuk's showcase after my 9th gig (the showcase was my 15th).  Every comic develops and improves with time, but I think that where my act is currently and what I have accomplished in a short period of time is an indication of my potential.  But, I'll admit that until recently I had confused potential with being ready to perform professionally.  I'm totally ready to get paid for this, yes.  But that is because I am broke, not because I deserve to be paid for it.

Mark feels that given the short amount of time I have been doing stand up, it is too early to discuss adding me to his roster.  He said that comedy is a game measured in years, not months and that Funny Business Inc. generally looks at people seriously after their 500th gig, not their 15th.  Oh snap!

It hurt pretty bad having Mark Breslin tell me I'm basically not good enough for Yuk Yuk's right now.  To me, he is the face of Canadian comedy and somebody I really wanted to impress.  Rejection - even polite and encouraging rejection - stings.  Mark keeps a velvet glove in his office.

It hurt because I thought that I was ready.  Or at the very least, I would have done anything necessary to ensure I was ready and able to perform with the other comics on the Funny Business roster.  I keep a binder with my jokes in it.  How can a girl organized enough to have a binder possibly not be ready?  Out of all the material I have, I have about an hour's worth that I love.  It's not very polished, but that's because I haven't had the stage time to polish it.  But I know it's funny stuff.  I was thinking I could get paid to learn though, which is really silly.  I am stunned at my naivete.  As a 28 year old woman with two university degrees, working as a housekeeper and living in her parents' basement, I have become somewhat skeptical of anything that glitters.  Bottom-line - I should know better.

I really needed this experience to realize the amount of time I am going to be committing to comedy if I want to achieve my goals.  I don't remember where I read this quote but it has always stuck with me: "Sometimes we need to pause in the pursuit of happiness to just be happy."  I am having a really good time doing this.  I need to be realistic and get a job in an office that pays the bills.  But I can't believe I am actually doing stand up comedy.  It has been my dream forever and I never truly thought I would get around to doing it because the thought of standing in front of a crowd I can't hear scared the shit out of me.  And now, only three months in, I'm already getting rejected by Mark Breslin!  He knows who I am and I am name-dropping him in my very interesting comedy blog.  I have come so far and yes, I am happy.      

While I don't think I am 485 gigs away from being ready for Funny Business Inc., I do have a lot of work to do.  I think I am doing great for someone who hasn't been doing this very long; but, I certainly hope to look back on my videos a year from now, as a much more confident, mature and polished comic, and cringe at my jokes.  I cringe when I watch myself now, but that's because my face looks fat.  This is what I am thinking when I review my performances.  Perhaps another sign I'm not ready.